Knowledge.

I always write, I write a lot actually.  You wouldn't know it from here, but that is mostly because what I write is deeply personal.  Sometimes I'm really not all that comfortable putting it out into the cyberspace universe.  I sometimes feel hypocritical because I think to myself that it is sort of unnatural to read another persons inner most thoughts, and here I am writing them down for you to see.  Which is why, I didn't really do a lot of blog writing during my program this year.  There was a lot of soul searching.. did I make the right choice.. is this what I REALLY want to do?  am I disappointing my family and friends because of the failures I encountered.  I needed to sort through that on my own, with out trivializing it.  Putting it into words that in no way can measure up to the feelings I had.  What I learned though is that my own knowledge of myself is what is the most important.  What do I want to happen to myself.  It is funny because that is the same question I asked myself a year ago before I started this whole journey.  and so, I have come full circle..........................................................................................................................................


About a year ago, on a little bit of a whim, I decided to quit my job.  I found that one day, I looked up at my calendar and saw myself approaching my 3rd anniversary with the company...... I was scared, I could easily see myself looking down, and only really looking up again at my retirement.    The work was mindless, and allowed me zero room for creativity.  My soul needs creativity.  So, that day, I applied to a graduate program, a selective one, and one which I had no hopes of getting into.   I applied for the Masters in Education program, something I had no right doing considering the minimal amount of time I had spent in the classroom.  However, I know now, I didn't need that.  I had an automatic passion towards educating teenagers, showing them the love of a good book, the positive way which words can influence our lives, and that there really is purpose in conjugating verbs. 
It came to be that I was accepted into the program, I was also accepted into a one year internship which paid 100% of my graduate school tuition.   And so, the last 365 days, that is what I have been doing.  My life, my purpose, my focus instantly changed from Corporate America cubicle forest, educating the masses. 
One year later, I can honestly say, I have never ever been more exhausted, I have never worked so hard for anything in my life, and I made the right choice.  I look forward to waking up every day, I looked forward to the conversations I get to have in the classrooms, the influence I am able to have, and I look forward to sitting down at the end of the day knowing that I made a difference.  Even on the worst of days, I never thought of quitting.  I did not look forward to my last day at my internship school like I did for my last day in the cubes...  I dreaded the day my internship ended... I was sad.  I was going to miss them over the summer, and on that last day, I knew I had made a difference for myself and that was what I was looking for all along.